If the 19th century Dorset poet William Barnes had been at our September meeting he would have been very busy with his notebook storing up dialect sounds, words and phrases for his Dorset poems.  Our speaker, Mr. W. Legg of Martinstown revelled in a local accent several degrees broader than the late Ralph Wightman.
A minor mystery: why did Mr. Legg refer to himself throughout as Dennis when his only ascertainable initial was W.?  His topic was scarecrows and how to make them. 

While Mr. Legg was talking and the rest of us taking an active interest by constantly firing questions at him, a scarecrow,
half sitting, half standing against a table, was taking shape before our very eyes.  Wheat straw was said to be the best for stuffing the scarecrow but it is also the hardest to get hold of.  Barley straw is apt to get wet prematurely and as for newspaper: try not to mention it in the presence of Mr. Legg.  The solution to all these troubles is duvet stuffing!  But don’t forget to tie string round the bottom
of the trousers and the cuffs so that it doesn’t all get pushed right through. 

Rooks and crows are intelligent birds.  They can tell when someone walks under their nests with a view to reducing the number of these pests by robbing nests or shooting.  However, if two people walk together and one stops under the nest and the other walks on, the birds are reassured and take no further notice. Therefore rooks can’t count.  Not many people know that, but Mr. Legg told us.

The Stratton scarecrow we watched being brought to “life” was finished by having an old shirt machined into a bag being inserted into the neck of the old striped shirt at the top of the chest.  This was the head ready to be fitted with a theatrical wig and facial features painted on with a borrowed lipstick.  Lifelike-ness was in the eye of the beholder but for my money he/ (she?) could have had a bit more of a tan.  Old Paleface must have been a male, for Mr. Legg took care to finish off this work of rural art by skilfully finishing the neck with a garish tie. 

Without doubt this was one of the most hilarious evenings we have had in recent years and I still chuckle occasionally at the memory.